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Encountered an Annoyance

Playing vanilla+ (a few lore friendly and QoL mods) and finally started my own kingdom. Currently have one town and just lost two castles. The town is a Player Settlement on the same island as Hvalvik. Both castles were in Sturgian territory that were taken over by the Nords and Battanians. Sturgians only have Omor left. After losing both castles and recognizing the difficulty in holding fiefs on the mainland, I decided to convince a decent number of vassals to defect to my kingdom, all of which had zero fiefs to begin with. Now I’m up to about 8 or 9 clans in my kingdom, all of whom have a considerable number of family members. Now I want to declare war on the Nords again to take Hvalvik and set the foundation for future campaigns on the mainland. Here’s the annoying bit: my relation with the Nordic King (not Halthdar, he recently passed) is too high, so I can’t even call the war to a vote! However, it seems that doesn’t stop the AI from declaring war on me whenever they’d like. Onl...
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Encountered an Annoyance

Playing vanilla+ (a few lore friendly and QoL mods) and finally started my own kingdom. Currently have one town and just lost two castles. The town is a Player Settlement on the same island as Hvalvik. Both castles were in Sturgian territory that were taken over by the Nords and Battanians. Sturgians only have Omor left.
After losing both castles and recognizing the difficulty in holding fiefs on the mainland, I decided to convince a decent number of vassals to defect to my kingdom, all of which had zero fiefs to begin with. Now I’m up to about 8 or 9 clans in my kingdom, all of whom have a considerable number of family members. Now I want to declare war on the Nords again to take Hvalvik and set the foundation for future campaigns on the mainland.
Here’s the annoying bit: my relation with the Nordic King (not Halthdar, he recently passed) is too high, so I can’t even call the war to a vote! However, it seems that doesn’t stop the AI from declaring war on me whenever they’d like. Only noticed this recently because I have NEVER declared war myself, spending the first few years on the defensive to build up my town and influence. So I’m a tad stuck. Is there a work around??
Also, bonus question, how likely is a clan to defect from your own faction if they have no fiefs but have 100 relation with you?

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