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What should I do here?

I’m a vasal with the Khuzaits and I feel like the AI is not doing me any favors. We were at war with Sturgia and the Aserai at the same time which was a nightmare because everyone was running north and south. Not at war with Sturgia anymore but as soon as we made peace with them Monchug went and declared war with the western empire. I have 15 fiefs and they all border the western empire. So while every place I own is getting attacked Monchug and all the other assholes have been fighting over Shibal Zumr Castle. One side takes it and back and forth so most of the army is over there. And I’m in the same situation over at Onica castle. I own it but they take it and then I take it back. No one is getting anywhere. I want to go on the offensive and take Zeonica but I just don’t have enough people and I don’t think I can get anymore. Any tips for this stalemate? And where do all their troops keep coming from? They keep coming with 1100 troop armies and I keep destroying them, shouldn’t the...

After the first independent fief...

Heya. I've been playing a Batannian merc, got my clan to level 4 and found bordering Ormor ripe for the taking from fool rebels. The rebels are now crushed, causing my merc contract to immediately end, and Caladog suddenly hates me. Did not know that's what happened when I pursued my target of opportunity, to say the least.

So what do you do from here? No more mercenary work available for me, and loyalty in sturgian culture Ormor is settling nicely around 50 as I gaze upon a Calradia largely nonchalant about my presence at all. Did not want to go full on kingdom yet, do not particularly want to join another empire/faction as vassal, and have only bothered to snag two banner pieces as I'm hesitant to give it to anyone as of yet.

What do you guys suggest? Just declaring war with minor clans to await another conveniently placed rebellion? Thus I might have a more solid foundation for a kingdom. Joining up to the winners (western empire) or the current losers (sturgian, Northern empire) to have a thriving warriors life. Biting the bullet and declaring independence through the campaign? I'd need a few months of smithing-cheese to fill my coffers to have some chance of inevitably suing for peace. I feel... Very distraught seeing this busy, part of the world, sieging parties zooming by my corner of the world with almost NO red parties... Is it viable to just pick a major faction embroiled in multiple wars and trying to grab a nearby fief, or will I be forever stuck in war there, since I'm not a full independent kingdom?

And anyhow, how might I repair the - 18'ish relation to Caledog? So vasallage might be an option at least? I need - 10 for that. I've never really tried to please rwgular faction lords, and 15 000 denars in donation helped not at all.

In advance, thank you for your time and suggestions!

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