The majestic life cycle of the wild Derthert | Brought to you by National Geographic, Clan Pethros and Animal Planet🐘

[Narrated by an audibly nervous David Attenburough]

[mysterious music plays]

This is the wild Derthert, a rare breed of the Vlandios Swadilos Terra Piscis. Magnificent, is it not?

[music increases tempo]

When a Derthert feels its bloodline threatened, it will attempt to migrate to the western coasts, avoiding wild Bandits on the way.

[music calms]

If it is successful and finds a good spot along the Swadian cliffs, it will build its nest, curl up in a ball and furiously masturbate until its penis detaches.

[sad music plays]

The old Derthert will then die so that the Infant Penile Derthert can live off its carcass until it is large enough to survive on its own out at sea.

[action music plays]

[Penile Derthert leaps, tumbling and bouncing off the rocks until it finally splashes into the chaotic waters below, wild Seagulls dive after it but the Derthert is just deep enough for them not to reach]

Phew, that was close.

[hopeful music plays]

It is not fully known how the Derthert spends its time out at sea, but based on analysis of it's stomach content, it is safe to say it lives as a bottom feeder, competing against other wild Vlandian breeds for sustenance.

[hopeful music continues]

[fast forward to next spring. snows melt, a mother bear and its cubs come out of hibernation, salmon jump out of the water and the world is coming to life]

When the Derthert is finally fully grown after a harsh winter living off crabs and seaweed, it will return to land. It will call out to its mother's vassals and perform the ritual dance. If the Derthert performs a spectacular enough dance, the vassals will back off and nod, recognizing the Derthert's supremacy.

[sad music plays]

However... Vlandian vassals are highly aggressive, so it is more likely that they will attack the Derthert, forcing it to return to its old nest for the cycle to begin anew.

[beautiful epic music plays as credits roll, superimposed over a beautiful sunset and the sounds of masturbation and crying]

[please help, i'm being held hostage and forced to narrate videos for this crazy bi...]

The End.

submitted by /u/RhagaeaPethros
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