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What should I do here?

I’m a vasal with the Khuzaits and I feel like the AI is not doing me any favors. We were at war with Sturgia and the Aserai at the same time which was a nightmare because everyone was running north and south. Not at war with Sturgia anymore but as soon as we made peace with them Monchug went and declared war with the western empire. I have 15 fiefs and they all border the western empire. So while every place I own is getting attacked Monchug and all the other assholes have been fighting over Shibal Zumr Castle. One side takes it and back and forth so most of the army is over there. And I’m in the same situation over at Onica castle. I own it but they take it and then I take it back. No one is getting anywhere. I want to go on the offensive and take Zeonica but I just don’t have enough people and I don’t think I can get anymore. Any tips for this stalemate? And where do all their troops keep coming from? They keep coming with 1100 troop armies and I keep destroying them, shouldn’t the...

Are these game bugs or something else? Inexperienced player with questions.

I'm playing through Bannerlord for the first time and it feels... rough. Being a latecomer to these games, I'm not the biggest fan but I really enjoy them and haven't been driven insane by the long wait for the sequel but I have very mixed feelings about it anyway.

Right now I'm having a hard time finding specific nobles because they just aren't where the game says they are. For instance, one of the people I'm looking for is Monchug, so I talked to NPCs and looked at the encyclopedia which says he's in Chaikand. I went to Chaikand and checked the lord's hall in person but the city acts like he isn't there. I waited a few in game days and he hasn't moved at all so I gave up and looked for another noble in Odokh to talk about marriage with. She's nowhere to be found either. My younger brother is supposed to be there too but there's no sign of him.

When my younger sister was a teenager I thought I couldn't wait to properly speak to her for the first time at the lord's hall she was staying at but I couldn't add her to my party yet so I planned to come back when she was of age. I left for a while but when I did journey back she wasn't with our brother at that location but in another city entirely, vanished like Monchug. I was travelling half way across the world (hoping it would sort itself out) when she somehow appeared in my party all on her own. Tbh it creeped me out to find an unfamiliar NPC with 0 stats suddenly in my list of companions so imagine my surprise when it's just my little sister?

I also wanted to ask about parties. I have no actual kingdom yet, so no settlements or castles. I made a party a very long time ago to see what that was like but the party was nowhere near me when I disbanded them. Am I right in thinking they're meant to merge with the nearest ally or go to the nearest own settlement? The companion who led it went to the closest tavern but the 80 troops I gave her are just gone. Is that supposed to happen? It looks like I wasn't meant to do that at this stage but the game didn't stop me from disappearing 80 people into thin air. And I thought we were able to put multiple companions into parties but is that not the case? I assumed, since we can hire multiple companions with different skills, I could do things like hire two good healers, keep one with me and put the other with a party lead by someone with better leadership skills, I'm disappointed I can't do that.

Why do some skills seemingly cease to gain exp no matter how many points I put into them? Is it true most perks just don't work right now?

And are we seriously unable to craft things in batches? If I want to do 2 hardwood -> 3 charcoal x 15 times, I have to give myself RSI?

This has been a ramble but I have to know now before I sink another dozen hours into it and hit walls.

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